Stepping Twice Into the Same River
by pandorabox82
Summary: Keiko finds that she's chafing against the expectations she's been placed under since she returned to Earth from Deep Space Nine. Unable to bear it any longer, she leaves Miles and the children behind to go and see if she can work some of the restlessness from her bones. But when the first person she meets off the ship is Kira Nerys, will that even be possible?


"Penny for your thoughts?"

Keiko looked up at Miles, drawing in a deep breath as she shrugged and then went back to watching their children play with other kids in the park. Her husband took a seat next to her, and she almost imperceptibly scooted away from him, a bit irritated that he had interrupted her time to think and remember. Though it had been two years since they had left Deep Space Nine, she still found herself thinking about everything she had left behind on Bajor and the station, even going so far as to wake up some mornings believing that she was still aboard.

Miles's hand came to rest on her shoulder, and she once more looked at him, knowing that her eyes were shiny with unshed tears. He cocked his head to one side, and she knew that she couldn't avoid talking to him any longer. "I want to go back, to Bajor, to the station."

"Well, why didn't you say something sooner? I have some leave built up, we can take the kids and explore their old home. I'm certain that everyone still there would love to see them."

It bothered her immensely that he was being so nice and accommodating when all she wanted to do was escape from the stifling, oppressive, air that had seemed to settle around her marriage ever since she had been grounded in Dublin. Sure, there was a beautiful garden to take care of, but she couldn't really do what she had gotten a degree in, and it was starting to grate more and more as the days went by. "I want to go alone. I need some time away. The kids should spend some time with you."

Miles's face fell a little as he took in her words, and Keiko reached out to touch his cheek, giving him a soft smile. "I know it hasn't been easy on you, adjusting to this new life we're living. I didn't realise that you wanted to give it all up."

"I didn't say that I wanted to give this all up, just that I needed some time away. Unless you want me to give it all up?" She winced a little to hear the shrill tone in her voice, knowing that she had lost control of the situation, and that things were heading straight for a major blowup. Miles frowned deeply as he looked away from her to stare at their children, an awkward silence quickly developing between the two of them. Finally, though, she had to cut the tension between them, and she took a deep breath. "Miles? Say something."

"Go. We'll be here when you get back."

There was nothing more to be said between the two of them, and Keiko nodded as she got to her feet and hurried into the house. It didn't take her long to get a bag packed, since she knew that she could use some of her credit to buy everything that she needed once she arrived on the station. And then, she was heading towards their door, pausing for a moment to take stock of what she was leaving behind. A part of her wanted to wait around and say goodbye to her children, but if she did that, Keiko knew that it would just make it that much more difficult to go.

Shaking her head, she squared her shoulders and began to head out towards the transporter center, knowing that she had to get to Starfleet Headquarters, if she wanted to get out to Deep Space Nine. The journey in front of her would be long, and tiring, but in the end, she hoped it would be worth it.

~river~

The two weeks it had taken Keiko to travel to the station seemed to be the longest of her life. She had spoken with her children every chance she had, but there was the usual lag that came with deep space travel, and Yoshi hadn't really understood why he couldn't reach out and touch her, and Miles had kept looking at her with those plaintive eyes of his, that it had started to wear on Keiko. Which was why she had stepped off the starship quicker than anyone else had expected her to leave, nearly bowling the chief engineer over in her haste to leave.

Stepping out onto the promenade, Keiko took a deep breath and immediately felt like she was home. There was something about the familiar scent that eased the stress and tension from her shoulders, and for the first time in months, she smiled, truly smiled, as she began to walk the corridors that had once been her home.

It was odd, that she would think of this as home, since she had been so reticent to come here in the first place, certain that she would never get to utilize her training on a space station. There was a sick sort of irony in the fact that it was only when she was back on Earth that she would not be able to use her skills. Keiko became so lost in thought that she wasn't paying attention to where she was going, which became apparent to everyone around her as she bumped into a warm body, slim, and slightly taller than herself.

"I am so sorry," she began to stammer, only for the woman to turn and give her a surprised smile. "Nerys!"

"Keiko! I wasn't aware that you were heading out this way! Where's Miles?" The commander slung an arm around her waist in a familiar manner, and Keiko tried not to blush or stiffen at the touch as they started down the way together. She found herself a bit lost for words, allowing Kira to guide her along as she drank in what had changed in the years since she had been on the station.

Very soon, she found herself maneuvered into a secluded alcove, Kira standing next to her as they stared out at the stars. "I believe that I asked you about Miles. Has something happened to him?" she asked kindly, her hand running up and down Keiko's side absently.

She drew in a deep breath through her nose, which only served to draw in the spicy scent that dredged up old memories of Kira living with them, carrying Kirayoshi, fitting in so well into the family unit. Blinking rapidly, Keiko tried to ignore the fact that she was close to tears, knowing that it was ridiculous to be so emotional when there was nothing to be emotional about. "He's still on Earth, with the children. I needed to get away for a little while. I thought that being safe was more important than staying here."

"You've been away for two years, and you're just now discovering this?" Kira asked, a slight teasing tone to her voice. Keiko knew that she was trying to distract her, to put her focus on something else, and she gave the woman a small smile as she shrugged a little. "Or did you just miss me?"

Keiko felt her brow furrow a little as her smile wavered. Looking away from Kira to gaze at the stars once more, she shrugged once more, trying to now ignore the small cloud of butterflies that were fluttering in her stomach at the cautious, curious, question. "I missed Bajor," she whispered as she reached out for Kira's hand, clasping it gently as she tried to let Kira know that she had missed her as well, but just didn't know how to put it into words.

She seemed to understand, though, as she squeezed back before pointing out into the distance. Keiko followed the line of her finger and watched the wormhole open. A tiny gasp of pleasure escaped her lips at the sight, and Kira nodded as she once more wrapped an arm around her waist and held her close as the wormhole closed in a blaze of light, the sky once more spangled with stars. "I keep watching, and pray, for the Emissary to appear once more."

"Maybe one day, he will," she murmured in reply before turning to look at Kira. "And you're here, watching over the station until he comes back."

"Exactly." Kira gave her a warm smile before letting out a soft sigh. "So, did you remember to book accommodation before you came?"

Keiko's eyes widened as she realized that her haste had led her to overlook a very important aspect of her journey. Shaking her head a little, she could feel panic start to eat at her brain as she wondered if she would be able to get a berth somewhere. A small giggle slipped from Kira's lips, and Keiko frowned, feeling very off kilter at this point. "What is so funny?" she finally bit out.

"I wouldn't allow you to be out in the cold. You can sleep on my sofa until you're ready to head home."

"Oh," Keiko replied quickly, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear to try and cover up her embarrassment. The brilliant smile that still lit up Kira's face helped her to feel a little more at ease, and she nodded a little as they began to walk down the corridors once more. She hadn't realized that Kira's quarters were so close to their old ones, since Miles, Julian, and Worf had been the ones to move Kira's belongings. "How are things going for you?" she asked, feeling a little ridiculous at the small talk, since it was just filler.

"Peace is a hard thing to cope with," she finally replied as they took a seat on the sofa. Kira drew one knee up to her chest and rested her chin on it as she stared at the table. "All I ever really knew was war and strife and a hunger deeper than food. And now, here we are, two years after the war, and I just walk the corridors and try to look busy. And I miss people, far more than I ever thought possible. When you're in the middle of a war, you know that there might come a day when you wake up and hear your best friend has died."

"But now that you've settled into a place, put down roots, you expect to see familiar faces around you all the time. Even on a space station that constantly sees people coming and going?"

"Yeah. You know, Keiko, you may have chosen the wrong profession, since you seem to know exactly what to say." To her surprise, Kira leaned over and rested her head on her shoulder, sighing deeply as rubbed her cheek against Keiko's shoulder. "And I missed you and the kids so much. Miles always had Julian, and they would play their games, but you were always there with Molly when I needed something to remind me that there was still hope for a future for all of us."

The spiritual, sentimental, side was new to Keiko, and she wondered what Kira had seen at the end of the war that would have brought about this change in her. She was softer, more open, and Keiko found the vulnerability in her voice made the long journey to Deep Space Nine worth the while. "We're rebuilding that, aren't we?" she asked softly as she reached out and began to run her hand up and down Kira's arm. "Nerys?"

The woman pulled away a little so that she could look into Keiko's eyes, and she found herself being drawn into those deep brown eyes. Unconsciously, it seemed, they both leaned forward until there was only a millimeter between them, and Keiko could feel Kira's warm breath wash across her face. It seemed so natural to listen to the way Kira breathed, to move her hand from the woman's arm to rest on the dip of her waist.

"Something like that," she murmured, and Keiko shivered a little to feel the faint vibrations from Kira's lips. "There's a Terran saying, about how you can't step into the same river twice. And yet, here you are, once more in my life, in my home."

Keiko nodded a little as their lips touched, and everything seemed to come down to the feel of their kiss. The longer length of Kira's hair allowed her to dig her fingers into it as she held the younger woman close, allowing the kiss to go on and on. It wasn't until Keiko's back fell against the arm of the sofa that she came to her senses a little. Panting, she looked up into Kira's face, taking in the flush of desire that had spread across her skin, the plumpness of her lips, and the desire that clouded her eyes, a look that she was certain was mirrored on her face.

"I wonder if this was the source of the restlessness in my heart?" she said lowly as she reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind Kira's ear before cupping her cheek with her hand and running her thumb back and forth along her cheek. "Miles would…"

"Kill me? Probably. But this was something else I learned during wartime – to find pleasure where it was offered, since it might not come again for a very long time."

There was a truth to her words, and Keiko dipped her head a little in agreement before she carded her fingers through Kira's hair once more. "I need to tell them that I arrived safely. And then, maybe, we could head out for a meal? Before this?" She made certain to kiss Kira softly, to try and lessen the sting of her question.

"Of course, you have to be starving for real food after surviving on replicators for the last few weeks."

"Real food?" she asked as they sat up, and Kira nodded as she led her over to her communication console.

"Yes! I've made space for an aeroponics bay, and I've been growing some Bajoran vegetables and fruits. You, you may have rubbed off on me more than I thought." A sweet blush stained her cheeks, and Keiko nodded as she placed her call.

It didn't take long for her husband to answer, and she could see the children playing in the background. The first thing Keiko noticed, though, was the way his eyes were drawn to Kira first before coming to rest on her. "I see that you made it safely to the station. Are you planning on heading down to Bajor any time soon?"

"I thought that I might spend a little time with Nerys before I went down. There are a few changes here on the station that I need to get used to, and she's very kindly offered to shelter me while I'm here." She tried to let him know what was up, and he seemed to get it as his eyes darted between her and Kira. He gave her a small nod and then a wink, an easy smile taking years off his visage. "I have the feeling that I'll be shadowing her for a few days at least."

"Colonel Kira was always good at bossing people around, but try not to give her too much ground. I want my strong willed wife to return to me some day soon."

Her shoulders relaxed slightly as she nodded. "I think that I can give as good as I get, Miles. And don't let Yoshi and Molly gang up on you. I know that they're probably going to try and get away with murder with you, but I know that you can make certain that they go to bed on time and eat their veg."

"I know, Keiko. Worf mentioned that he would be by to help me for at least a day or two, so you'll know that Yosh will be in good hands. Though he mentioned that he might bring a friend with him, so there's that."

"Oh, that sounds intriguing. Make certain you fill me in on all the details when you can." Keiko waved to Molly, watching her drag Yoshi over to Miles's side. "Hello, my loves! How are you?"

"We miss you, Mommy! When are you coming home?"

She smiled as she rested her head on Kira's torso. "Mommy is going to be here for a few weeks, and then it will take two weeks to get home to you. But I'll be certain to bring something from Bajor home for you and Yoshi."

"Can you bring Aunt Nerys?" Molly asked as she gave her her best puppy dog look. Keiko pursed her lips to keep from giggling at the adorable way her daughter was trying to get her way. She glanced up at Kira, hoping that she would be able to deflect Molly in some way.

"Oh, Molly, I would love nothing more to come visit you for a while, but I have to be here, taking care of the station. There's no one else in charge right now. But maybe, in a few months, I can visit. I promise."

Molly nodded before looking back at Keiko, and she knew that she would have to make that visit work, as her daughter would not let go of the idea, now that it was in her head. "All right, I will talk to you all tomorrow, because Mommy needs to get something to eat. Be good for Daddy, okay?"

"Yes, Mommy," Molly and Yoshi lisped in unison, and Keiko smiled at them before glancing up at Miles, relieved to see the understanding look in his eyes. She gave her family another small wave before disconnecting the call and turning to look at up Kira.

"Well, I suppose that we're free to eat now," she said as she stood and made for the doorway. Kira followed close at her heels, and then they were both making their way down to the promenade. There weren't as many Starfleet uniforms milling about, and Keiko found herself feeling a bit out of place. Kira seemed to notice her discomfort, as once more her arm came to rest around her waist as she led them past the food kiosks and down to the turbolifts.

On the ride down, Kira stood close to Keiko's side, and the closeness set her a little at ease. "We can throw something together, and talk about your journey here. This can't have been spur of the moment!"

Keiko pursed her lips as she looked away from Keiko to stare at the ceiling of the lift, wondering what she would say to the woman, since she had so succinctly hit the nail on the head. "So, what kind of vegetables do you have? And can we make hasperat?"

"Oh, you want your mouth to be on fire?" Kira teased as they stepped off the turbolift and began walking down another corridor. "I was thinking of katterpods, moba fruit, and milaberries. Something sweet and refreshing to help you recover from two weeks aboard a spaceship."

"It wasn't really that bad, actually. I was aboard a Miranda class ship that had just come off drydock, and the chief science officer graduated with me, so we spent a lot of the time catching up. There's a lot of down time when you're not on the _Enterprise_ ," she said, giving Kira a broad wink as they went in one of the old storage bays.

"Or the _Voyager_! They certainly had quite the journey, though they missed out on the war."

"From what I've read, they lived through their own version of hell," she said as they began to walk down the rows of plants. At some point, Kira had picked up a basket, and she started to put some fruits and vegetables in it as they went. Keiko was surprised to find that she remembered most of them from her time on Bajor, and before Kira could protest, she had plucked a few milaberries from the vine and popped them into her mouth, relishing the taste that exploded on her taste buds.

Quickly, Kira leaned in and kissed her, her tongue darting out and lapping at Keiko's lips as if to taste the juices left behind. A light sigh slipped from her lips, allowing Kira more liberty, and the innocent kiss quickly turned into something decidedly wicked. Wrapping an arm around Kira, Keiko encouraged her to prolong the kiss, finding both her hungers being fed at that moment. All too soon, Kira was pulling away from her, and Keiko whimpered a little before giving the woman a small pout.

"There will be time enough for that later, someone might catch us here," Kira said as she finished collecting some of the ripe offerings before making her way to the door. "Well, are you coming?"

"Yeah," she replied absently as they began to make their way back to Kira's quarters. On the way, she thought she noticed Doctor Bashir ahead of them. He was thoroughly engrossed in a conversation with someone she thought she recognized, but she didn't want to interrupt them to tell Julian to contact Miles, since he might need someone to talk to with her gone.

Kira tugged her into her quarters, which told Keiko that she had been staring just a moment too long, and she laughed as the door closed behind her. "You really do have your head in the clouds today, don't you?" she asked as she set the basket down on the table.

Keiko shrugged a little as she took a seat, watching as Kira quickly threw together a delicious looking salad. "I think that I still have space brain, to be honest. Sorry. Maybe once I have food in me that will change a little." Kira nodded and continued with what she was doing. Soon, there was a bowl placed in front of Keiko, along with a glass of water.

Their meal was quiet, and Keiko unfortunately found herself nodding off about halfway through, much to Kira's apparent amusement. "I think that it's all finally catching up to you, no matter how nice a ship you were on. Crawl into bed, I'll take care of everything here. And we'll have time to talk tomorrow."

Keiko nodded a little, her head feeling so heavy, and she slowly blinked as she pushed away from the table and padded over to the living room, picking up her bag before slowly looking around until she found the bedroom. It was a struggle to change into her pyjamas, as she felt like she was going to fall asleep on her feet, but finally, she was in her long nightshirt, crawling into the oversized bed and pulling the covers up around her neck as she squirmed around, trying to get comfortable.

Even with her eyes closed, she could still tell the moment that Kira entered the room, as the air felt different, and Keiko turned on her side so that she could surreptitiously watch the way the woman moved around the room, the fluid grace in her body causing Keiko to smile. "You aren't asleep yet?"

"It's weird to be in a bed this large alone," she murmured, a yawn splitting her lips as she rubbed her head against the pillow. "I suppose that I'll fall asleep eventually. But…"

"It might be nice to have a warm body next to you?" Kira finished as she tugged a shirt over her head, smoothing it in place as she turned and padded over to her side. "I've never been able to sleep in a small bed, once I found out the pleasure of something this large. I'll warn you now, you might wake up with me sprawled all over you."

"That wouldn't be any different from most mornings, then," she replied as she scooted over to make room for Kira. "Miles is sweet, but he sleeps like a starfish and an octopus had a baby. I love it most nights, but there are some nights when it just gets to be a bit too much. Granted, that's also the nights that Molly and Yoshi join us, too, and a large bed quickly becomes small."

"You would have hated being part of the Resistance, then. There were nights when we all huddled together for warmth, a tangle of limbs and bodies." Kira slung an arm around Keiko's waist, pulling her close as she fitted her body around Keiko's. "And while it's nice to have my own bed, there are times when I miss this. There's a comfort to having another body next to you."

"That is very true," she replied as she turned to face Kira, wanting to look into her face, somehow feeling that they might continue to talk. "I was an only child, so I didn't really get the opportunity to snuggle up with siblings. I didn't think I missed out on anything until Yoshi came along, and I found him and Molly sleeping together in his crib or her bed. Maybe, in another universe, there's a version of my family where I am a we."

"Maybe," Kira said lowly as she reached out and stroked Keiko's face. "I just hope that if there is another universe out there, that you're happy." Tears swam in Keiko's eyes as she nodded and leaned in, kissing Kira gently as she rested her hand on Kira's hip. "With all my heart, I hope there is a someplace where we're all happy."

"That's my fondest wish, too," she replied before yawning again, snuggling closer to Kira and resting her head on the woman's shoulder as she let her eyes close heavily, finally feeling comfortable enough to sleep. She was here, back where she had never thought she would ever belong, and it felt like home. And for the first time, the thought ran through her head of if she would ever feel this way anywhere else again.


End file.
